He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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