I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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