and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
