All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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