I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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