Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
