Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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