somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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