Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
