Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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