Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
