No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
