we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
They are going to name an STD after you.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
