The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
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