I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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