when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
