sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
