I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
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