On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
