I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Randomize
