Screwed.edu
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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