I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
