He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
