Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
