My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
