well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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