I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
