If i could tip my vagina, i would.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Randomize
