bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Randomize
