this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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