is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
