It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
