First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
