Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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