tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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