Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
