Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
