I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
