This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
