i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
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