im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
