dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
