long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
