no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
