I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
