I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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