He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
