I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
