Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
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