My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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